i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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