Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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