Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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