She bit a glass in half.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize