omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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