I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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