I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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