i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize