There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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