I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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