matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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