I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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