He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize