My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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