At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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