God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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