hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize