I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
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Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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