The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
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You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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