yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize