mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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