If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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