Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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