i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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