good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize