I think I won the penis lottery.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I came so hard my ears popped.
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