What a fucking waste of an outfit
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My life is pants optional.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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