The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This is the high leading the old right now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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