Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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