I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
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He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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