I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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