I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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