I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize