dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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