I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
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Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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