You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize