When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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