Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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