Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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