Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize