watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize