I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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