community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize