Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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