Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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