Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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