i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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