I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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