that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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