They should really pass out barf bags in church
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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